Men: "Well regulated militia" means we need to regulate guns, right? You can't drive a car, which is pretty lethal, without training, a license and insurance, right?
So we need penis insurance. You never know when that thing's going to go off, and the affected parties need some coverage.
Here's the idea.
Any state that adopts Dobbs-friendly anti-abortion laws must mandate that all penis carriers past puberty get penis insurance, which:
Requires a DNA sample be left with the state (hey, privacy is no big deal, right?)
Matches your DNA to all births whose mothers request it
Allows anyone else who says they slept with you, from any state, to issue a penis challenge
Garnishes your wages for 20 years after the child's birth, for the child's benefit
Is priced to account for flight risks; rising costs of healthcare, higher education, and shelter; etc.
Seems only fair, no?
Don't let your dongle dangle unprotected!
Good news! You can lower your premiums by:
Proving you have masturbated
Protesting for women to have control over their own bodies
Minting NFTs in the child's name and promoting their value
A poem fit for the occasion.